A Tedoleran under the Christmas Tree

I'm guarding a dark secret and don't have the slightest idea how to confess it to my friends. When we get lost in the middle of the snowy Colorado wilderness, I find the perfect solution to my dilemma—a menacing monster lurking among the pines.
My plan is simple: I'll sacrifice myself so that my friends can escape to safety. If I'm no longer alive, I can't confess anything to them. Idiot-proof.
Unfortunately, the monster has no interest in killing me. What it intends to do with me is much more diabolical...
Dark sci-fi romance with a Christmas theme. Over the top and utterly ridiculous. Contains holiday lights, candy canes, and a happy ending in front of a fireplace.